As adults, we are likely to have built up a range of coping mechanisms to help us in stressful situations. Whether this has been a conscious or unconscious decision, we adapt to our circumstances by engaging in activities that provide comfort and reassurance. As children, we may not yet have had the opportunity to build a repertoire of tools that can help during challenging experiences. Supporting children and young people to develop a coping tool kit can be an empowering experience that can lead to lifelong strategies to manage life’s challenges.
It is important that children learn that all emotions are ok. The good, the bad and the ugly! It is also important for them to understand that emotions come and go and often co-exist together. When children are worried or anxious about something, we can help them understand that these feelings are normal, but that there are things that we can do to help manage them.
Building a coping tool kit is a very individualised experience. What helps one person, will not necessarily help another. Every person has a unique relationship with the world and has sensory preferences that release stress. Take some time to think about what you do when you are feeling anxious. Do you prefer to go for a walk or blare your favourite music? Do you prefer to fiddle with something or sneak a chocolate treat? You can help your child by exploring the different senses and see what feels good for them. You can support them by making a list of what they like and gathering up resources for when they are needed.
Having a physical coping tool kit for anticipated stressful experiences such as hospital visits and procedures is a great way to set your child up for success. You can enhance opportunities for choice and control by asking them what they would like to include in their kit. You can ensure that they have comfort items with them and remind them of what has worked in the past when they are feeling worried or anxious.
Practising some of the skills outside of stressful situations is also helpful, particularly when it comes to breathing techniques. It’s hard for children to learn a new skill when they are stressed! So, practising beforehand allows them to draw on their knowledge and muscle memory for when it is most needed.
Most importantly, your child needs to feel like these are strategies that are helpful to them! You can provide examples of what works for you or others, but encourage them to explore, play and develop a kit that is reflective of their interests and preferences.
Kate Strickland is a community-based Child Life Therapist with a background in Occupational Therapy and Education. She works with infants, children and young people along with their families in managing the stresses associated with health care encounters, procedures, hospitalisations and medical trauma. Visit healingheartsbeyond.com.au for more information.
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